I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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