How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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