Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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