I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
