we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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