Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
