I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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