I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
