I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Four minutes until I can fart!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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