genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
