this just has baby written all over it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
