I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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