Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
