we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
