the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
