If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
