i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You ruined the universe
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
