im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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