Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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