Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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