got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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