I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you had me at cake vodka
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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