Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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