So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Randomize
