cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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