how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
