Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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