I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
