Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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