Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
In America we eat man semen.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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