I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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