omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
