none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
