so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
