Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
