I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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