a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
