i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
