My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
