Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
