Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
