I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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