it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
