Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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