I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
