If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
