I cut my penus on the lid.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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