Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
