i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
