How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
