just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
